Landon

He's perfect. From the peach fuzz on his head to the 2 little webbed toes he is just like me. He looks just like me at that ages even when he cries. Which he really does not do that much...when he does something is definately wrong. You forgot a bottle, tummy hurts or something.
He knows me. Thankfully because in 5 weeks I will have to leave him for a week to get my Radioactive Isotope for my cancer treatment. I won't be able to hold him or feed him for 20 days. The 48 hours for surgery was killer. I can't imagine what this is going to do to me. I know God has his hand on both of us already. I know God did not bring him in my life to take me from him this early. I will do what I have to do but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
I have trouble sleeping when he's not in the room or at least on the baby monitor. I'm not sure that my family realizes that but it's true. I already freak out about him getting sick or people getting him sick. I'm worried it's too cold for him to go to the park in his stroller when I go walking. Now mind you I have every type of stroller/carrier wind proof thing known to man. According to my sister he could manage Boston with some of this stuff but I'm not to sure about this Katy Perry...hot then cold weather we have in east texas.

He's changed me forever...it's not just a cliche... I thought it was but I know it's not now. I won't ever look @ life the same way again. I always wonder what life is like from his eyes and his point of view.
I not the same person and I'm glad I'm not.

Changes Keep Rolling

Well in less than a week Landon will be here. Ready or not time's up. I have found out another challenge; I have found out I have cancer. It's thyroid cancer and my doctor is very optomistic but it's still scary. I realize God is in control and he never gives me more than I can handle; however, right now I'm having trouble hanging on to that at times. I need to stand strong and trust him. It's a very scary situation knowing I am sick, unemployed and have a newborn to worry about. I'm sure I'm not the first woman in this situation; however, it feels like I'm all alone. I know i'm not I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me and I know they will be there. But I still feel so alone at times it's nerve rackings. I pray that God will get me through this storm and on to bluer skies quickly.

Another Day/ A better day

The last few weeks have been very rough. Last night I told a friend, I was giving it all to God and I did. Today he solved 2 problems for a dear friend of mine and one of mine all in a 2 hour period. All I could think was wow that was quick. My friend has been trying to start college and kept running into problems. Well today all the problems were solved, college is paid for with an unexpected grant and books are purchased with an unexpected book voucher from the school to cover him until his government aid kicks in. As for me the jobless, pregnant single freaked out one, I had a call today for a job interview with a school that I applied to last year. I am very excited, I know it's not the job, I have had several interviews at this point and no job. I am trusting that if this is where God wants me that door will open. If not I'm having to rely on God to get me through this. I have to constantly remind myself that when God closes a door he opens the window. Until I find the correct door, I will keep seeking God.

I'm really not alone

It's been a long road this summer. It's new and scary and i'm worried sick at times. I'm looking for a job, single and pregnant. Two outta three of those are almost always scary situations, you combine all three and it's nerve racking. I've been looking for a job close to my parents but those doors are closing. It's ironic that for the first time I honestly want to be home near my family, but it seems God is pulling me away from here. As my job search is expanding farther from home, I keep saying, I can't do this alone...I can't do this alone... I can't do this alone. Well today that little voice kicked in and reminded me that I am not truely alone in this; God will get me through it. I'm not sure if I will be offered a job before my due date or not, but I'm thankful for the reminder that God is with me and will get me through this if I trust in him. Guess I need to remember to let go of the wheel; I can't really give him the wheel, if I keep grabbing it as he's steering it.

Changes

My life is crazy right now. I've made some decisions that are changing my life forever; there's no looking back now. I'm scared, excited, nervous and happy all rolled into one. It's weird how life has changed over the last 2 months. For the first time in a long time; I'm having to truely give it to God and trust him. This is a good thing; I realize that. I hate that I went the wrong way for so long it took something this drastic to turn me back on the right path.