Landon Week 1

He's perfect, honestly. He looks just like me from the little peachfuz hair standing on the top of his head to the 2 toes that are webbed on his little foot. He is a laid back baby honestly. When he cries...something is wrong...seriously wrong....he knows me already...he just snuggles in when I hold him. he is already my world...I already can't remember my life without him. love when I see him that's all I can think....love pure and true love....

Predator~~Him / The Prey~ My Heart

**This one's an old journal...it doesn't have a date..but those who know me also know my story's always the same so it's hard to tell who it's really about....but here it goes***

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***Focus girl, breathe, write it out, Pen in hand is the only time ADD doesn't make a difference. It's the only time you overcome it, focus...just write..it's as natural as breathing to you***

Why do I always jump ahead and screw things up. I end up being hurt every time. I get caught up in the flames and end up burned. Im tired of feeling like this, IDK where I belong or where I'm supose to turn. I'm frustrated and confused. I'm happy and sad; laughing and crying all rolled into one. I'm spinning into circles again....
I'm scared. I'm alone and I'm shaking. I'm all twisted, hurt and it's my fault. I bring it on myself. I am my own worst enemy. And it never fails I get sidetracked and loose sight of my goal. Now i'm mad, I'm hurt, I'm cold, I'm scared. He doesn't know, he could have already hurt me..how the hell did he get in? He's working past a wall. A wall built up over years and years. The harder I fight the closer he gets. That part is blocked off, tied up and dead; or so I thought...guess I was wrong because somehow, he's right there so close to breaking in. I'm not sure what to think. He's everything I looked for and everything I thought was impossible to find..I'm scared it will be over before it starts...that hurts...it's not my call I just have to wait and see. I'm scared of being hurt again. The scars are fresh so fresh that my brain says runaway. My hear says wait, this feels different...but is it? I can't tell he is for real...or like all the others...that hurt girl says "he got what he wanted see if he stays." The faithful part of me who believes there is good in people says "just trust him"
Trust is hard when the scars are there constantly reminding you not to trust, not to believe, not to listen. I'm so scared now. But it's to late...
I just have to stand here looking fearless and never letting him know, how truly close he is.....no matter what...he'll never know....